Application of FIP: Assertiveness!
My current project in applying the FIP to my real life is become more assertive when dealing with people. I have always been pretty… I dunno, can I be an asshole to myself and call me “wussy?” I can? Nice. I have always been kind of wussy when it comes to dealing with people in person. Those of you who have met me in person know that I am quiet and somewhat stand-offish when around a group of people… in fact, I prefer to let other people do the talking and I simply sit back and listen. It isn’t that I don’t have a whole lot to say, it’s just that I’m not comfortable saying the things that actually matter.
Okay, okay. Yeah. I am shy. I have suffered, and continue to suffer, from a lack of self confidence. Thanks for pointing that out.
So. I know this. I don’t like it. My choices are to do something about it, or to not do something about it. I am doing something about it. So, the little ways I have been more assertive (that I can think of:)
- Have you ever wandered around a store looking for something because you didn’t want to ask for help? Me too. Not anymore, though!
- I ask for food the way I want it, even if the option is not on the menu. All they can do is say no!
- I totally hugged a guy. To be fair, hugging a guy is probably easier than hugging a girl, though. Maybe I should hug some girls? 
Yeah, yeah. Minor league, right?
Fair enough. I also:
- Got quite assertive in my professional life, where there was a situation that was not playing out how it should have. As in, took people outside and laid it out for them.
- Chose to stop bashing myself needlessly. End like, 20 years of needless garbage.
- Along those same lines, I have taken your compliments seriously for once.THANK YOU.
- Told some of my friends how much I appreciate them. I have not been good with the squishy emotions, traditionally.
I’m going to continue to work on these things. I mean… what is the point of putting FIP into print if I can’t use it to help myself too?
Speaking of. You CAN call me on it if I am being an idiot about these things. I may get pissy, but if you’re right I promise to apologize later.
April 6th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
I think that, if you're an intelligent, reasonable, rational person, this kind of mind-set comes naturally as you grow older. In my family there is a history of abuse, people who are mentally unstable, have average or even below-average intelligence, suicides, thieves, drug addicts, etc. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I'm pretty damn smart and have excellent coping and self-regulating techniques. Like you I used to keep my mouth shut most of the time but always remained observant. I'll be 36 this year and I'll be damned if I give a crap about offending people any more. If you cross the line with me I will point out EXACTLY how wrong you are. I can cite examples and provide evidence. Hell…I could even make a graph if you need one. Dammit.
April 8th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Hah, I see that you are arrogant too!
I'm not trying to prove anything, I'm just tired of feeling unsatisfied because I am trying too hard to meet surface conformity requirements. After getting a taste of not giving a fuck, I can't really put my heart into it anymore.
April 9th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Arrogant: having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, etc.;
Is it arrogance if I really am right?
I'm not exaggerating, therefore I'm not arrogant 
April 9th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Hah. I am actually referring to someone who called me arrogant for correcting errors of a "superior" when she insisted on being right when she was wrong. I don't play that game. It isn't arrogant when you know what the fuck you're doing and you tell people when they're fucking up!