The Fuck It Principle isn’t always Fun.
As far as the Fuck It Principle goes, there is only one hard and fast rule. Be true to yourself regardless of whether or not that truth is palatable to the rest of humanity. Usually, adherence is a matter of getting over one’s personal hangups and issues, removing masks, and sliding into what is a more natural, comfortable place to live. Sometimes, though, it means applying your personal code of ethics and fairness even when you recognize that the fallout, the mental anguish, and… yes… the heartbreak you may inadvertently cause will be singularly unpleasant for you.
Sometimes, applying FIP means refusing to take the easy way out.
Sometimes, FIP isn’t fun.
Case in point. I know a number of single women (who are awesome, incidentally, if you are a non-scumbag and you’re looking.) As a married guy and non-douche, I do get to hear some of the horror stories about how guy A was trying to play Girl X while Girl Y thought that she also had something with Guy A, or that Guy B is a complete and utter child and isn’t worth the hassle… or that Guy C is an alright guy, but too bad he is totally into Guy D. In other words, I have a pretty good baseline of how girls view the guys in and around my social network. Sometimes, I hear enough about a guy to establish his M.O. Seriously, though… if I know enough about a particular guy to establish his M.O. then the guy is probably a tool.
So.
Yeah.
I hear some things post-bar concert one night. I see some late night exchanges. I hear things from ANOTHER source. Then I read something online which has all the earmarks of the same damn guy. So… I sit, I think, and I watch the situation.
Sure enough. Same guy.
And see, this is where FIP gets hard. It would have been easy to walk away and let it be, and let things play out in time. Because I mean, they always DO play out in time. But you know what? That not only makes you a shitty friend, it makes you an accomplice. It makes you a coward. For me, it also violates my own personal interpretation of FIP. I am a sucker for a damsel in distress… and I do like to “white knight.” So I gathered my facts. I said something. I broke a heart, but… and I guess this is a consolation of sorts… I prevented worse down the line. And hell, I did serve the whole truth concept, so there’s that.
Sometimes, living up to FIP is hard, but it is always, ALWAYS worth it.
April 13th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
You manage to balance bastard and gentleman so well. Bravo!
April 13th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Thanks. I am admittedly a sucker for a pretty girl in distress.
April 13th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
I believe that knowledge is power. As hard as it is to know the truth, I would rather have it that way than to be the dumb woman that is in the dark and oblivious.
There are good men out there – there are tricks to getting them ….
First of all your own mind has to be right and you have to have a strong inner self. Men like the one you mentioned go for the hunt – they look for certain weaknesses and they jump on them.
As a woman who has been involved with the same type of man, I also need to take responsibility for the role I played :
* I saw signs and ignored them
* The actions did not match the words
* I did like the attention
* Every friend I had told me I didn't deserve it – that something was up and I should get out – I ignored it
In retrospect, I settled – I put up with frustration and hurt because i craved the attention. Sometimes it is hard to be single and to be a single mom.
Sometimes it is difficult to be so cynical and to not trust. I had someone talk and talk and talk about trusting and letting down my guard. I wanted to believe that there was someone like that – that I didn't have to play games with. I found out the game was in pretending that there were no games.
I am a simple girl that doesn't want much – I don't like to lie – and once I care about you it will probably last a lifetime. The person in my life should have appreciated me and respected me for those qualities. That was another flag – second of many.
Chad, it is funny but I think whatever you did here – well, it seems the opposite of FIP.
You are by far the coolest bastard I know!!
April 13th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
This is why I adore you. Always be true to yourself, the easy way out is hardly ever the right way and I would always, always rather hear the truth no matter how deep it may cut. And I promise to always do the same for you. I hope you realize you're just racking up the hugs at this point. That's right, I'm all about invading people's personal space to show them I care. It's how I roll. I'm a tough girl, but squishy as hell. I can't help it. Comes with the dorkness I think.
You, sir, are beyond awesome. Don't even try to argue it. #truthbat.
April 13th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
True to ones self is the ONLY way. As far as twitter goes I know of two men that have tried the same thing on me and two of my twitter friend's, but I never told the girls because they seemed to catch on that these two men in question were false. Besides, I never meet men via internet. Great blog though
April 13th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Tierney,
As a rule, the FIP means being true to yourself regardless of whether or not it is acceptable. More importantly, it suggests that rather than being the person you ARE, you should strive to be the person you WANT to be. I want to be one of the heroes. I want to save the day. I want to do the hard thing when it needs to be done, so by my own interpretation of FIP I HAVE to do those things. That’s why saying something is FIP for me. I would have been failing myself had I not brought it up.
Plus, really. I cannot stand a douchebag.
Madaam Uber,
I welcome hugs from you. Just saying. I’ll not lie and say that hugs from pretty girls are horrible and icky; Despite being weird about the whole “people like me” bit I -am- part human.
April 13th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Blueeyez,
Yeah, they do tend to shoot themselves in the foot eventually. It is generally bad news to be a jerk like that when observant, semi-protective bastards are around. And thanks!
April 13th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
I do agree with you on this bro. But there have been times where the FIP has completely backfired on me and has led to times in my life where I stopped applying the principle. I think some folks just dont like hearing the truth thats so plainly in there.
And lets be fair to the nice guys for a moment… There are a lot … and I mean a lot of total douchebag females out there as well. And ponder for a moment what happens when the good folks keep getting caught up with the douchebags? They tend to stray away from being good hearted and become the thing they strived not to.
April 14th, 2010 at 4:21 am
Pretty much, there are douches everywhere, sure. I'm not saying that women can't be douches so much as I am saying that in this case, a guy was a douche. The good folks who get caught up in those relationships, being blunt, need to look at why that is happening and change the behavior that makes them go for those people. A lot of it is self-confidence and fear, I suspect.
I am not a nice guy by societal standards, but apparently I do okay as far a deviant sorts are concerned.
And the FIP isn't always easy.
If it was, everyone would live it.