But no, that’s not why I’ve been lax. Simply, I’ve been doing other things, and blogging, while fun and interesting, simply did not make the cut as far as time was concerned.

So, the highlights:

1. Fitness Training. I said I was working out to get fit, last time. Guess what? Since I left, I’ve lost a bit over 30 pounds and regained some of that lost muscle tone. Despite a few setbacks and a few “fuck this” mornings, I’ve been more or less on track…. and outside, as my dumb ass has taken to running outside in the wee hours of the morning. Every morning (except Sat) between 4 and 5 am, I get up, work out (either weight lifting or running), and all that jazz. Go me. I intend to lose a bit more, build muscle, and come back looking awesome.

2. Computer Training. I have been exceeding my own rather ambitious goals, here, and I have to say that I am proud of it. In the last 30 days, I have completed 4(!!) certification tests. I am now an MCITP: Server Administrator, an MCITP: Enterprise Desktop Support Technician, and exactly halfway to my goal of having 12 certification tests under my belt by December. Right now, I’m taking a break from Microsoft to pursue my first VMWare certification… but I will be jumping back on the Microsoft bandwagon before December, as I want to at -least- finish up my MCITP: Enterprise Administrator.

I also intend to take the 70-686 when the self-study book is released in October, thus granting me a fourth Microsoft certification… the MCITP: Enterprise Desktop Administrator. That would put me at 10 certifications. I am undecided on what to do after that… should I take the new Linux+ tests to get both Linux+ and LPIC-1 (My first Linux certification) Or should I backfill and do the two (somewhat overlapped) tests that would grant me my MCSA on Server 2003? I’m generally not one to go “old tech,” but I can see some value in having both 2003 and 2008 certification. Thoughts?

Me bragging, real quick: 70-642, 70-640, 70-680, 70-685. Done.

3. Traditional Education. The University of Maryland did not work out, alas. They wanted me to pay out of state rates and I wanted to not pay out of state rates, so I took my business elsewhere. The good news it that I’m in the final stages of the preliminary process at American Military University. I’ll be majoring in Computer Security and minoring in Intelligence and… with any leftover electives… grabbing some Forensics work for the hell of it. I’m excited about going back to college!

4. Other Stuff. I still have no idea when I am moving. I mailed some letters last week and I’ll be mailing new postcards this week. I have no intent of slowing down or breaking my stride… this epic montage is well under way. Woot!

….

….

…no, wait. I forgot. My plan is viable. My plan is WORKING. And being honest with you? It wasn’t horribly impossible. Anyone could… can… do what I am doing. No, I don’t mean going to Iraq, though that is part of my plan. I mean, anyone can break free of the mundane, and it ain’t even that hard to do. You simply have to understand that YOU WILL NEVER GET RICH / FREE / SUCCESSFUL IF YOU DO THE SAME OLD SAFE SHIT EVERYONE ELSE DOES. I’m sorry for the caps, but that shit NEEDS to be in caps. Again. YOU WILL NEVER GET RICH / FREE / SUCCESSFUL IF YOU DO THE SAME OLD SAFE SHIT EVERYONE ELSE DOES. Are you hearing me? Dropping 5% (matched by your employer) into your mutual funds isn’t going to make you rich. It might let you retire reasonable well when you’re old, but you’ll be working your ass off until then. Moving up the ladder at Mediocri-Co is not going to make you your fortune or grant you your freedom.

You. Need. To. Take. Risks.

You. Will. Have. To. Endure. Hardship.

Those risks can be physical, financial, mental, whatever. What is important… and what is going to buy you your freedom… is the fact that your average human is not going to ever, ever take those risks. It isn’t that they don’t want to be free, understand… it is that the safety net they’ve become accustomed to is too comfortable to surrender. They’ll not (for lack of a better analogy play on the trapeze of life without the net because it is SCARY.

And yeah. It is. But that’s why i call myself a Feral Human. I reject domestication. I thrive in risk and adventure.

I’m gonna be free.

I hope you’re there too. If not, though, I understand. If everyone were Feral, we’d have to take it to a whole new level.

So here’s my plan, subject to change, all rights reserved, free to use and abuse:

1. Gain a sizable base capital.
2. Grow said capital until the residual money is capable of supporting my lifestyle.
3. Attain financial and thus social freedom.
4. Continue to grow capital and help others break free.

Feel free to adapt to you own ends… and heck, if I can help you break free… let me know!

My tentative date of departure is July 6th, so any random confessions, hatred, offers of debauchery, and face punches should be delivered before then.

I’m sure that all but the most clueless of you have figured out that I am headed to Iraq for a year, to support a client for buckets upon buckets of beautiful, beautiful cash. I’m sure that most of you have surmised that said plan is part of Plan X… but you may have the impression that the trip overseas is the sum total of Plan X. That is… not… quite… true. Plan X does begin with the trip, and the money gained is definitely a major part of the first part of the plan, but really… Plan X is simply my most epic implementation of the Fuck It Principle ever.

That’s right… it all comes back to FIP.

One of my major goals, decided when I lost my last job, was to put myself in a position where I’d never have to worry about being subjected to that sort of thing again. I wasn’t angry at the company, understand… I just did not worrying about finding a way to get money for my lifestyle. So rather than wish and play the lottery and sit around vaguely disappointed every time I lost,* I put a plan into motion in which I’d never have to worry about working for someone else again.

Plan X.

Plan X did, and does, evolve as I gain new information and find new paths to take. Plan X is an -idea- and a -goal-, not a line by line plan of action. Should I need to adjust mid-stream to reach the goal, I will do so without feeling like a failure because the goal is the same and the idea is the same and ultimately, any path to victory is a victory, right?

One of the most pleasing side effects of MY Plan X, though, is that it seems to be bleeding into the consciousness of others. I think… I -hope-… that people will look at my Plan X, see that it -can- work… that life does not have to follow the predetermined lines of acceptability that people have drawn… and take it upon themselves to craft their own unique Plan X. I’m tempted to be cynical and note that lip service is easy, but action takes work… but I’m not in that kind of mood.

I’m in the kind of mood to think that people can, and will, do what they have to do to be happy, successful, and free.

He values knowledge, kindness, freedom.

He never, ever abides evil or cruelty.

He will give you a second chance, no matter how horrible you are, no matter what you’ve done. But should you refuse the second chance, he will destroy you.

That. Is the man I want to be.

Sometimes, applying FIP means refusing to take the easy way out.

Sometimes, FIP isn’t fun.

Case in point. I know a number of single women (who are awesome, incidentally, if you are a non-scumbag and you’re looking.) As a married guy and non-douche, I do get to hear some of the horror stories about how guy A was trying to play Girl X while Girl Y thought that she also had something with Guy A, or that Guy B is a complete and utter child and isn’t worth the hassle… or that Guy C is an alright guy, but too bad he is totally into Guy D. In other words, I have a pretty good baseline of how girls view the guys in and around my social network. Sometimes, I hear enough about a guy to establish his M.O. Seriously, though… if I know enough about a particular guy to establish his M.O. then the guy is probably a tool.

So.

Yeah.

I hear some things post-bar concert one night. I see some late night exchanges. I hear things from ANOTHER source. Then I read something online which has all the earmarks of the same damn guy. So… I sit, I think, and I watch the situation.

Sure enough. Same guy.

And see, this is where FIP gets hard. It would have been easy to walk away and let it be, and let things play out in time. Because I mean, they always DO play out in time. But you know what? That not only makes you a shitty friend, it makes you an accomplice. It makes you a coward. For me, it also violates my own personal interpretation of FIP. I am a sucker for a damsel in distress… and I do like to “white knight.” So I gathered my facts. I said something. I broke a heart, but… and I guess this is a consolation of sorts… I prevented worse down the line. And hell, I did serve the whole truth concept, so there’s that.

Sometimes, living up to FIP is hard, but it is always, ALWAYS worth it.

I promised that as long as I was out of town on a Friday, I would post some pretty awesome Freak Flag Friday stuff. Now… I may have mentioned some of this in passing, but where I -have- mentioned it I will try to expand on the statement a little.

So, without further ado…

Sexsi Stuff (Because that’s what you comment on)

* I have been examining the idea of my wife sleeping with other girls and I like the idea. Actually, I think the idea is super-hot. Now, most guys would be saying “I think you should sleep with other women” and would mean “I want to sleep with other women and you are an excellent vehicle for that.” Not me! I don’t need to be involved. Hell, if it turns her on and she’s having fun I get to reap the benefits of the whole interaction later. I imagine the dynamic of girls alone is different than the dynamic of girls with a boring old boy around anyway.

* Hah, want something that most guys would NOT enjoy the thought of? Sure! I actually get a little bit hot when I think about my wife sleeping with other guys. If she finds a guy willing to sleep with her and she’s open about the prospect, I’d be fine with that. That does NOT mean that you should go asking me if you can sleep with her though. That’s just disrespectful to her! Ask her,  you incredible jackass!

* I have tried HARD to make myself jealous about those two ideas. I cannot do it. Either i am broken or I am awesome in ways that humanity has mostly lost. Probably the former, but I can pretend that it is the latter. See, I figure that love is love and sex is sex, and while you can have sex with someone you love, you don’t have to do much more than like (or hate, but that’s a whole new topic) someone you want to have sex with. it is just sex.

* Speaking of. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but I would not dump my wife for any of you. I am not worried that she would dump me for any of you either, even if you were the OMFG master of ancient technique. So there ya go. That’s probably why I am not jealous.

* I think I am pretty good at sex, but just about everyone does. Difference: I’d be willing to listen to suggestions.

* I once said that I’d not want to see my friends naked, because it would be awkward later on. I lied. It wouldn’t be sexy necessarily, but I don’t think it would be awkward more than momentarily. Unless you’re a hermaphrodite or something, you don’t have anything I have not seen before. I’ve actually been tempted to jokingly post “okay sure, send me your nudes” on Twitter, but I suspected that someone might actually do it!

* Yes, there ARE people on my Twitter list that I find attractive. No, I am not telling you who they are. I’m not ready to go there yet.

* As far as male on male action? Really, after consideration, I am not interested. Sorry jehmz!

Chad’s Mentality

* Even if we have been friends for years and we’ve shared secrets and pain and all that jazz… I still have that voice in the back of my head on occasion saying “this is just some elaborate hoax to get you to open up so that they can all mock you!” Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m a fucked up little monkey.

* I can be a dick when it comes to people not living up to standards that I know they are capable of living up to. If you think I can be a dick to YOU, though, think about this: I am at least ten times harder on myself than I am on any other person.

* I am willing to stand up for myself in certain areas of life (money and time being two of them.) I’ve been working on applying my willingness in those areas to the rest of life.

* I actually enjoy posting these, but the thought that I can never go back to being hidden is somewhat frightening. I suppose I could delete my blog, change my name, and disappear.

* I do care about how I look. That’s why I have decided to keep the scruffy look. Call me vain if you like, but girls calling me hot is just nice. Actually, I might hit some of you up to critique me at some point so I can improve. I’ve always had such a shit self image that I have never bothered much with appearance.

Socialization

* I find that dealing with people who simply do not understand my thought processes at all is a tedious, mind-numbing exercise. That’s why when I find people like you (well, if you’re one of those people… which you probably are..) I love you a little. I can say what I am thinking without getting that “look.” You know, the one that says “I am pretending to mock you but you really scare me a little.”

* When asked for advice, my advice will always be based on logic. When asked for sympathy, my sympathy will always be based on logic. I’m not good an sympathy. It isn’t that I have problems empathizing; I just deal with MY emotional situations with logic so I apply it to yours as well. Really? You’d be better off just getting weepy and glomping onto me in a long teary hug. Just so ya know. I can deal with that.

* I am still weird about being touched… until you touch me, then I am find. I’m getting better at it though!

Weirdness

* Yoda was wrong. Fuck Yoda. There IS a try, because I try and I try and I revamp my plan and I wait and then I try again! There is most definitely a try, but there is NOT a surrender. Even if I say I have given up, I have not. I’m waiting for a better opportunity to strike!

Okay, okay. Yeah. I am shy. I have suffered, and continue to suffer, from a lack of self confidence. Thanks for pointing that out.

So. I know this. I don’t like it. My choices are to do something about it, or to not do something about it. I am doing something about it. So, the little ways I have been more assertive (that I can think of:)

- Have you ever wandered around a store looking for something because you didn’t want to ask for help? Me too. Not anymore, though!
- I ask for food the way I want it, even if the option is not on the menu. All they can do is say no!
- I totally hugged a guy. To be fair, hugging a guy is probably easier than hugging a girl, though. Maybe I should hug some girls?

Yeah, yeah. Minor league, right?

Fair enough. I also:

- Got quite assertive in my professional life, where there was a situation that was not playing out how it should have. As in, took people outside and laid it out for them.
- Chose to stop bashing myself needlessly. End like, 20 years of needless garbage.
- Along those same lines, I have taken your compliments seriously for once.THANK YOU.
- Told some of my friends how much I appreciate them. I have not been good with the squishy emotions, traditionally.

I’m going to continue to work on these things. I mean… what is the point of putting FIP into print if I can’t use it to help myself too?

Speaking of. You CAN call me on it if I am being an idiot about these things. I may get pissy, but if you’re right I promise to apologize later.

So, here’s a little bit of FIPtastic truth.

I don’t care.

No. Seriously. I don’t care.

Look. The world is full of people who are willing to accept wrong for right to make those self-important people of the world feel good about themselves. I was, until relatively recently in life, one of those people. For many reasons, though, barriers have been breaking down in my mind and I’m just more willing to stand up and say “fuck that shit” (though I do tend to be more diplomatic about it) when someone needs to stand up and say “fuck that shit.” I am willing to tell you when you are wrong. I will tell the truth if the truth needs to be told, even if the truth is going to suck ass.

I’m tired of playing the happy dance game and watching things that need doing never get done.

That’s not to say that I’m going to nitpick every time I disagree, or every time someone makes a mistake. I mean, why pick on someone whose scope of influence is self? When it bleeds over and causes issues for me though? Oh yes. I am going to confront people. I will say “sorry, but that is incorrect.” I will be arrogant, and damn your assessment.

So here’s… not a promise, but a goal. I will strive towards greater competence and more honestly when it comes to getting stuff done. I will continue to tell people they are wrong or they are messing up when they are… well… wrong or messing up. Don’t like it? Find someone else to ask.

Ha.

I asked a question of my internet friends and pals via Formspring concerning masks. The exact question was:

Everyone wears masks. Do you prefer life behind your masks, or are you itching to shed those masks?

So, in fairness… my answer.

I live life behind my masks. I don’t prefer it, necessarily, but it has become a survival mechanism…. or maybe I’m just fooling myself and my masks are what I use to keep my distance from people who I don’t, as a rule, relate to very well. I know I used to be worried about offending people with my real self, but I’m not worried about that anymore (well, not so much.) Now, I just keep the masks up out of habit and convenience. I suspect (or pretend, probably) that most people would be scared away if I were completely, honestly true.

Well, actually… I’m worried that the people I give a damn about will be scared away. No offense, rest of the world, but I could give a crap what you think about me. You do not matter in my life, I do not care about you. I’m probably a true sociopath in that way; I just… don’t… care… what happens to people I have no vested interest in. If you recoil in horror, so be it… but the few people that I like… yeah, those I don’t care to lose.

…yeah, yeah. I know. I’m supposed to be living up to FIP. I am trying, remember? But some things, they need to be eased into. Revealing my true self is one of those things. I mean… if you know me, you know that my mask can slip, and… wonder of wonders… I don’t think I’ve terrified anyone that I care about. But even when my masks are slipping I hang on to some shreds of humanity civility normality.

But (as the president would say) let me be clear. I am not lying, per se. The masks aren’t me pretending to be something I am not so much as they are subduing certain aspects of what I am like (he says as the semantics meter pegs.) I just… figure that it is easier this way.

…..but.

I am finding that every time the masks slip, I feel…. good. I feel great, actually. No, fuck that. I feel wonderful. I feel real and powerful and fucking deliciously deviant and feral and all of those good things that I suspect no one who is tied to normality ever, ever feels.

So then… why bother with masks? I’m currently reviewing that question in my head, and wondering how the brainmeat that is usually so logical decided to create such an illogical situation.

Considering my current motivation as far as distance running is concerned, this is probably a good thing. I am always, ALWAYS off peak in the winter. I can push through, but the combination of short-ass days and the cold (and delicious holiday food) make keeping in peak-for-me shape difficult as hell.  It’s a personal issue, and I’m getting better at managing it… but I still have not figured out that magical formula that will push me through the shit winter months without lagging.

So, to summarize: Shamrock Half Marathon <– Cancelled. 12 mile run <– Not cancelled, but delayed. I may shoot for the Rock and Roll Half. We shall see.

So… plan scrapped, moving on, working on training program to fit my current needs.

FIP Exam Tip: Applied FIP Principle in this case is honesty to one’s self and acceptance of personal responsibility. It is a minor personal failure to have to scrap the plan, but a bigger failure would be to continue on and give it a half-assed effort.

FIP Exam Tip 2: Recognizing one’s undesirable traits as undesirable is the first step to fixing them.  The second step is proactive action.

On the bright side, this means I can ditch the current training model and go with what I’ve been planning on doing after March 21st anyway! I’m going to go back to interval / speed training. I’m kinda… really… slow at the moment. I’d like to get back to running sub 8 minute miles, at the very least. I’m no speed demon, but I can be better than I am now.

Enough.

Let’s talk about school and certifications. I am (to reject humility and wallow in pride) fucking AWESOME when it comes to studying. I am about a week and some change ahead of schedule with my “12 in 12″ plan, with two of the planned 12 tests already passed and out of the way. I suspect I might actually be ready for the next one in three weeks, putting me WELL ahead of schedule.  This, of course, leads into my goal of being rich. While tech certs alone will not make me independently wealthy, they work to get me into a place where I have money to risk on further acceleration.

So far, I’ve done the 70-646 course (a harder course in the AD* of life) and Security+ (a test that proved that since I rejected the idea of taking it 3 years ago, I have become many times more awesome) with 70-640, 70-642, and 70-647 in my definite future.

Enough.

Work? Work is work. If you’ve talked to me before, you know you will get fuck-all in the way of complaints or compliments out of me about work… at least online.

More? More later. I have a lot to say, but it has to wait until I have less projects in the works.