Chicken Soup For The Soulless

Let me first warn you, should you be reading this entry cold. I am an atheist, more or less. I am a hedonist. I am an anti-control, pro-freedom loon who believes that those left to do as they please will prosper, as long as they are given both the freedom to act and the responsibility to deal with the consequences.

In that respect, I think I’m pretty fucking awesome.

I’m also the creator of the Fuck It Principle (or FIP) which is meant to encourage people to live their lives on their terms, not on everyone else’s terms. It means that one should try to be true to oneself, regardless of what others may think.

Mostly, though, I am a silly dreamer who likes quick and dirty amusement. This idea for a “holiday” was simply one of those quick and dirty amusements… a holiday to cater to something fun, interesting, and (at least as long as it remains an internet joke) pretty much non-commercial.

So, Sinsmas. The mass of sin. Some believe it to be all about sex (it can be,) while others find that Sinsmas is best celebrated by drinking one’s self into a stupor. Others set up camp at a buffet and eat until their 32 inch pants explode. While the activities of Sinsmas vary, there ARE a few rules to the holiday that ought to be observed.

Ready? Let’s go over the rules.

1. Don’t do things you’ll regret. There are enough in the way of depressing holidays to ruin mine.
2. DO push the envelope. What’s the point if you do the same old stuff?
3. Don’t break the Wiccan Rede. That is to say, do whatever you like as long as you’re not harming anyone else.*
4. The holiday allows for “Vegas Rules.” Sinsmas comes with a get out of sin free card. I have verified this will all major deities that exist.
5. If your sin of choice is angst and whining, kindly celebrate something else, like the release of the next Twilight movie.

The specifics:

Where possible, the holiday should be celebrated in a city or place renowned for personal freedom and sin. Vegas is my celebratory city of choice.

The holiday will be celebrated on the last Saturday in August. This date is significant because prices are cheaper and I like greed. Amy K. suggested 6/9 as a date and I dug it, but I like affordability. You’ll have to involve the numbers 6 and 9 in some other fashion, alas.

There are no specific activities that should be planned, but you can try to outdo your peers should you wish. Pride is a sin, but so is laziness! This establishes the principle of contradictory-complimentary sinnage.

Assuming your fellow celebrants are game, you may institute a “no tell/no foul rule” which locks discussion of Sinsmas activity until next Sinsmas, and only allows discussion amongst your fellow Sinsmassers.

That’s all I have. Enjoy.

* – Against their will. If they like it, well… carry on.

Ah, election day. While others were out voting for the lesser of two evils, I was contemplating either not voting at all (something I’ve not done in a while) or using my vote to mock the entire process. I opted for the latter, as I’d hinted that I’d do so and …being honest here… I thought it would make a pretty decent entry on an otherwise boring day.

So… what did I do? Simple enough. I used my ballot as one might use a gas station wall. With my finger (I’d love to pretend it was my middle finger, but alas) I filled in Nathan Explosion, Charles Ofdenson, myself, J, Nottingham (for Sheriff), and commented on the race itself by filling in “these guys are all dildos.”

Immature? Yeah, maybe. But it was amusing and pretty much sums up my contempt for the entire process. You know what the best part is, though? No matter who the rest of my local contacts voted for, they accomplished exactly as much as I did.

Fuck all.

At least I didn’t have to swallow my pride and my principles to click the pretty touchscreen. I call that a win.

“My new Windows machine doesn’t support my 7 year old printer and my 6 year old computer with 64mb RAM runs SLOW. Microsoft is evil, PCs are crap, and I’m moving to a Mac!”

“My brand new Mac only supports these 5 video cards. Isn’t Apple great? They restrict what I can use so I don’t have to think! Oh, and they wisely made my 2.5 year old Mac obsolete so I knew it was time to upgrade.”

–

“PCs come with tons of software I don’t need…. M$ is trying to shove this mail thing down my throat. What if I want to use an alternative program, you fascists!”

“Macs come with tons of software I don’t need… but what if I want to use it someday? Apple is just looking out for me! Why would I want to use an alternative program, you fascist?”

–

“Why can’t my PC make french fries?! Windows sucks!”

“Having a proprietary output for my external video is a FEATURE.”

–

“What? Microsoft can’t mount .DMG files natively? LOL, Microsoft is lame!”

“Macs can’t write to NTFS; I blame Microsoft. Or George Bush. George Bush’s Microsoft machine!”

–

“The programs available to do this task on a PC don’t match my preferred methods. Microsoft sucks!”

“The programs available to do this task on a Mac don’t match my preferred methods. I blame myself for sucking.”

–

“UAC is the devil! Stupid program popping up to protect me against being dumb. I hate you, M$!”

“Requiring the admin password to do anything major is orgasmic! Thank you, Apple, for protecting me against being dumb!”

–

And so on. I’m half-joking… but only half.

On Twitter, a trending topic was letters (or rather, tweets) to an ex. @thehulkster simply started posting actual letters (Q, R)… thus inspired, the half-assed alphabet of the dump was born!

A is for asshole, your state of existence.

B is for bitch, cause that’s all that you do.

C is for caring, which you seem to be lacking

D is for dinner; I always pay for yours too.

E is for elephant, like the one in this room

F is for fuck you, you dumb fucking prick.
Boys alt:F is for fuck you, you slutty damn whore.

G is for girlfriend ’cause you no longer have one
Boys alt: G is for girlfriend, ’cause you no longer are one

H is for happy, something that I never was.

I is for I, as in I am the dumper

J is for joy cause I’m done with dumb you.

K is for kisses, you know yours were quite boring.

L is for loser, what I now know that you are

M is for meddle, because you were always suspicious

O is for orgasm, which I totally faked. (more…)