Soulless & Feral

Want to spur participation in Freak Flag Friday and have some fun doing it? Play Freak Flag tag!

The rules of Freak Flag Tag are pretty simple.

1. You share a Freak Flag worthy secret; that is, you share something that makes you a freak and you stand proud!
2. You tag two other people to share a freak flag worthy secret.
3. If your two choice sharers are not namby pamby little bitches, they share a secret!
4. The people you tagged get to tag two other people, and the process continues!

Some stipulations:

- You cannot “tag back.” In other words, no fair tagging the person that tagged you.
- If you’re tagged, don’t take all day to share!
- When you respond, make sure to @ reply the person that tagged you!
- Be sure to add to #fff hashtag to the post!
- Be sure to link to the rules when you play! Just send them right to this post.
- If you can’t think of anything, just get naked. Twitter will love you for it.

Despite having come a long way in a relatively short time, I still find it difficult to actually go out and socialize.

Okay, so here’s the way it usually works. I agree to go hang out with people and I am fine with it until the day I am supposed to go and socialize. Then I start to play with the idea of not going, complete with reasonable excuses as to why I could not make it. I start to get antsy, feel all self-defeating, wonder if I am actually welcome, wonder if my presence is going to be a burden. I start to suspect that the invite was more pity and courtesy than it was honest invite, and I half-convince myself that everyone would be happier if I just stayed home. I start mulling over any negative changes in body image, I concern myself about what is acceptable attire; will I show up under or overdressed? I wonder if I am going to get ditched (which has happened, so it isn’t exactly unfounded) and weigh the disappointment of staying home with the much shittier feeling of getting stood up.

Then… I go.

Wait… what?

Yeah, I go. See, I don’t like to be a flake. I know I will not flake unless I absolutely have to do so for real, honest reasons. So if I say I’ll go somewhere or do something, I’ll follow through. I can’t stand the feeling of getting stood up, so I try not to stand other people up. I guess you could say that I play my own personal honor against my social insecurity, and my honor wins the battle.

I didn’t always do that, though. There was a short… erm… 10 year period… where I just did not go out. I still didn’t flake very much, but that’s because I never promised to do anything in the first place. Honor maintained, but social insecurity totally inflated and exacerbated. It was, in retrospect, a fucking retarded thing to do to myself. I mean… past self-deception aside, I really do like being around people I dig. I might still feel weird and awkward and out of place at times (okay, often) but I have fun and damn it, I’m working on that awkward bit too. I actually speak when I go out now. I mean… dude. But even still, it requires mental gymnastics to get to the point of actually going out and having fun.

Yes, I know. I’m a freak.

Enjoy Confession Thursday.

Aside from what should be a minor delay in my processing for my Iraq trip, I am thus far good to go. My last day at my current job is technically the 11th, but I’m only going to be working through the 10th. Huzzah for vacation days! My weekends are pretty well booked up now through the 6th of July, though if I have to wait a bit I might be able to squeeze an extra weekend out before I vanish for a year.

As of now, without any experience, I am considering heading over for at least two years. With the amount of paperwork required and the money involved, it would be quite foolish to go through it all without at least considering a two year tour. On the down side, I’d be gone for a long, long time… on the bright side, I could be done working before I am 40 years old. a two year sacrifice for freedom? Yeah, I can handle that.

Right now, I am working on scoring my international driver’s license, adjusting my eating habits again to get back to a decent “pre-workout” weight (I’ve been kinda down, so I cut out some of my peripheral activities, running being one of them,) and getting all of my paperwork and stuff done on this side of the water so there is not a whole lot that need to be managed remotely. I’m still considering the canceling my phone, and I will definitely drop the insurance on my car to minimal levels while I am gone. Rental insurance is got, will is written, power of attorney needs only to be signed… am I missing anything?

Probably.

Catch me before I go… or don’t! I won’t hold it against you.

I was going to type something serious today, but hell… it is Freak Flag Friday, and the world needs a hot injection of Friday freak.

I’m not going to epic post, this Friday, because the rules* are that I need to be traveling to do that. I’ll try to share something moderately juicy, though, because I know what sells on the Internet.

A typical warning: This will contain things that may offend you. Don’t read it if you’re a little bitch what can’t take it.

(The rest of you, come on in.)

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I promised that I’d expand on Plan X. Originally, my Plan X simply encompassed going overseas, paying off debt, and basically pushing the “backup wealth” button on the good old game of life. As I thought about it, though, and as the possibility went from an idea to a possibility to a probability, the plan evolved from a simple “get capital quick” scheme to a “break free of societal norms” scheme. And like all schemes, it was a silly dream that had no chance of succeeding, that was wasting time I could spend conforming to everyone else’s “work till you fucking drop dead” idea….

….

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